I feel a toothache coming on. For those of you who have been with me for a while, you may remember that I have very few natural teeth left in my mouth to cause me pain. (a total of five) Yet, somehow here I am with sharp sensitivity to pressure. RATS!
So, after a hiatus of a decade or so, I am going to take a deep breath and make a call to my dentist. I know the drill. I'll call the office. The line will be busy. I'll listen to some innocuous music for several minutes. It will be interrupted only to remind me that my, "call is important" to them. Eventually a sweet voice will ask what they can do to help me and I'll reluctantly admit I need an appointment to alleviate some minor pain in a lower right anterior. They will "fit me in" in about three and a half weeks by which time my minor pain will feel as if an angry crew of tiny men are trying to jackhammer my existing crowns from my mouth.
When I finally find myself sitting in the chair in Dr. Mackley's office, I will be entertained with his HDTV playing an infomercial about Cerec crowns, porcelain veneers, dental implants, and whitening proceedures that no one's dental insurance covers. These will include dozens of Before and After shots from which it can only be concluded that women become much better at applying makeup after they get veneers.
Dr. Mackley is never all that happy to see me. I'm not a good patient and I never want extra dental work now that I actually have to pay full price for it. Perhaps this would be a good time to mention that I used to work for Dr. Mackley and my dental work was done at no cost. (including six implants. (yes I said 6) Pretty pricey stuff! Anyway, he will inquire about Chandi, who also used to work for his office, about my other children, about my church callings, about our new home, and politely ask me if I need some work done, or if I just dropped by to pick up a new toothbrush. He will then proceed to flick a switch which will bring the interior of my mouth onto his high definition screen.
It's somewhat disconcerting to see my inflamed tooth 18 inches in heighth and in full, raging color. He will then pan artfully from tooth to tooth explaining in great technical detail all of the attention he would like to pay to the crumbling remains of the few teeth I have left. I will try to let him know as clearly as possible why it would not be economically feasible for me to invest our entire life savings on this project. I say that because it is always difficult to speak with any degree of clarity with his hand, his assistant's hand, a dual-suction upright rug-cleaning system, and a 22 piece cordless drill set competing for space in my mouth. "Aast aah aaa caaa aga ah ul at ah caa a ent uh ull" Amazingly enough, he will understand what I say, he will be displeased, and will tell his assistant to type in my chart that I have elected to have no further work done until my teeth rot completely.
He will then spend all of 12 minutes injecting, drilling, filling, grinding and polishing until the pain is relieved, the infection controlled, and the tooth sparkling. His assistant will record the events of the day on my computerized chart and walk me to the front desk where they will present me with a piece of paper detailing the Dr's recommendations for future work. A possible root canal, two crowns, some whitening, replacement of two existing fillings and a thorough cleaning. (On five teeth, mind you) I will be then be asked to make full payment for today's visit. I'm guessing $680.00 or so.
Yup! I know the drill.
Spring Clean Up in the Garden
14 years ago
11 comments:
funny, you'll be luckly if the bill is under $400. My last bill was about $2000 for two crowns. We have health insurance but it doesn't pay for crowns. I laughed at your blog, hopefully you can keep your sense of humor and get an appointment sooner. Smile.
Too, too funny. You have a way with words that is very entertaining while nailing the exact situation!! I can't believe that he wouldn't get you in fast, especially since you worked for him...or at the very least...a discount! Have you thought of switching dentists?
There are few things as painful as a toothache. It kind of takes over as a top priority very, very fast[for me].
My son is having dental work done. A root canal, five cavities, x rays, etc, He's into the thousands, and yet you have to fix teeth problems if ou can. I think that dentists are in the same category as colleges/universities. Their rates went wildly up beyond the cost of living average to the point that who can afford it?
As Flo says,"The world's gone crazy!!"
Caryn, I love your posts. This one made me chuckle all by myself this morning.
I am impressed that you got such a good deal for implants. My hubby got one (with a little dental insurance) and it was more than $3000.
Teeth are one of the three things I would have taken better care of when I was young if I had known then what I know now. However, we didn't know as much about dental care in the 50's and 60's so I guess the point is moot.
You do make me smile.
Hee hee hee........sounds just ou forgot to mentio that you would wait for an hour for Dr. Mackley to come into the room, and that once there he would probably end up talking to a patient in the next cubicle over for 30 minutes while your mouth is propped open with a jaw bit.
Aaaah, the memories, you hit the nail exactly on the head! This is so so funny!!! I had all but forgotten those days of pain and misery, wishing some dentist would listen to me and pull all the danged things out. They always had this idea of, if you have "ONE" tooth of your own left in your head, they suggested you keep it. But, they were not the ones living with the constant PAIN!
Hi Caryn, Very entertaining post. I like your writing style. Thanks for coming by Pappy's Balderdash today. Hope you will come back and stay a while. It has been pretty heavy on the political stuff lately, but if the Republicans win I can back off a little. Hope we can visit again. Pappy
I used to go years without dental trouble but NOW all the time, teeth chip, crowns need to be put on, fillings changed. Yuuuck! I'm feeling with you.
I am really good with pain, but two things that really bother me. Spinal taps and dental works..seems like an odd combination. Love your post as usual Caryn..you should be writing a book..
That was so funny! I've been getting all my dental work done at the dental school...they are cheap!
I find as I get older the prospect of a check-up at the dentist's office becomes a cause for anxiety. I don't have dental insurance, so every trip is out-of-pocket. Subsidizing the latest technology in the office is one of the biggest pains.
I hope the pain goes away and that the entertainment system you are helping to pay for is at least running smoothly!
and don't you hate the drill? both kinds?! I had to go have 2 fillings removed and replaced last week. but thankfully there was no hi-def screen for me to watch...altho there was a moment that I thought it might be fun to have it filmed but Robert would faint dead away if he had to be the cameraman and watch. My friend went to the dentist last week, too (is there something in the air?)...the first time in 38 years. YEARS! He had all of his teeth (what's left of them) pulled and the false ones/plate put in. Amazing...38 years!
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