My son Cordell, my youngest child, my beautiful baby boy, has hopped a plane and moved his guitar, his laptop and his long board to South Korea. He's left behind his business suits, his books, his beloved DuCati motorcyle, and his family.
He left just last Saturday and I miss him already. It's going to be a looooong year to 15 months before he comes back. He's my poet, my free spirit, my adventurer. Well, truth be told, they're all a little on the adventurous side, and without children, jobs, mortgage payments, etc... they'd all be more inclined to let their free spirits soar into the wild blue. But, he's untethered by such responsibilities at this stage of his life. So... he's gone to find new caves to spelunk, more cliffs to dive from, more mountain trails to explore, more cities to shop, more languages to learn, and cultures to absorb. The great event of the dinner that we went out for the evening he left, was his FIRST BITE OF MEAT in over thirteen years. He decided that he ought to be prepared to try some of the abundance of local seafood while living in Korea, and thought he should share this big step with his family. That's shrimp that he's talking himself into lifting to his mouth... and that's my fork ready to take it off of his plate if he didn't hurry. It was great tasting stuff! He preferred his veggies and tofu. I knew I should have grabbed it.
So long, sweetie... I'll keep your latest picture on my desk until I hear your footsteps coming up the walk, and see your broad shoulders filling my doorway again. Be well, stay well....
I don't want to be-labor food issues here, but I loved this response...just had to share it. My daughter, Chandelar and I went for lunch at one of our favorite eateries yesterday, The Old Spaghetti Factory in Trolley Square. When the waitress came to take our order, I ordered a small salad and asked Chandi if she was going to have the same. She flashed a bright smile, winked, and said, "Uhhhh, no thanks. You graze...I'll eat." Perfect.
Made enough sense to talk me right out of a salad. I changed my order, we donned our clown noses, and dug into some REAL Italian food with gusto. It was so good, I didn't know what to put in my mouth first...hearty Ministrone soup, or a chicken, bacon, and pesto Panini sandwich.
For dessert, we stopped at See's and bought a pound box of assorted caramels. (That's quite a departure from salad) We spent the rest of the day doing some power shopping, having "mini makeovers" then got a room for the night at the Comfort Inn where we spent what was left of Monday enjoying our chocolates and watching a late movie. It was great! No kids to do homework with and bathe...no hubbies to make dinner for. The morning brought a slight skiff of snow... but who cared with complimentary Belgian waffles and fresh fruit for breakfast, and a full day ahead of us of trolling the stores for pretty dishes, some fun, feminine, funky clothes, and Christmas bargains. We just threw oursleves into giggling and having fun trying on pretty things with wild abandon. I love girlie days like that!! And I love being married to men who want us to spend time together doing girly things like that (enough to take care of the kiddies and underwrite the fun).
Life is SO yummy! Especially when we leave grazing to the California "happy" cows, and indulge ourselves with gusto every now and then.
Can you guess which one of the panoply of items I grabbed off the counter and took advantage of having available to me? It was a tough choice.
If you guessed the Pilates tape, you're dillusional. If you quessed the measuring tape, you obviously haven't seen my backside. I'd need more than a measuring tape to determine size.
If you guessed the do-nut slathered with whipped cream and sliced strawberries... Bingo!! Well... I did make a New Year's resolution to treat myself well this year, afterall.
Have you heard these familiar platitudes that have been passed around every self help seminar in the last decade?
1. "Half of knowing what you want is knowing what you have to give up to get it." 2. "The biggest cause of unhappiness and failure is giving up what we want the most for what we want at the moment." They're old and over used, but they're good... and absolutely true.
What I want the most is to wear some "stylin" size eight capri's this summer. What I wanted at the moment was that tempting, and mighty tasty chocolate covered pastry. I threw my visions of wearing cute size eight pants this summer out with the empty do-nut bag. Ahhhh well. I shall get myself up, dust myself off, and start all over again. I am such a fan of second chances... and third, and fourth, and seventeenth. Some things need forever and always, til death will I stick with it, diligence. My attention span appears to be too short for most of those things.
But, I am finding that life is as delicious as my do-nut at any size. A little harder to navigate perhaps... but scrumcilicious just the same. I am however, snacking on fresh orange slices and rice cakes the rest of the week.
What is it that makes us so susceptable to tears sometimes, anyway? Do you know what I'm talking about? Days when for no reason you can claim, the tears just puddle in your eyes waiting to spill down your cheeks. At times like those I find myself searching for things to help me release those tears. Sad movies, sad poems... It's ridiculous the way I'll dredge up past slights and try to recall how they made me hurt. I'll imagine all sorts of worse case scenarios of what may happen to my children, of what it will feel like to lose my husband... I get desperate to cry and unload whatever is making me feel so weepy. I've even experienced getting almost angry when a positive thought creeps in because I'm not quite finished with being miserable yet. I wonder if they have pills for that?
On some days, I've been known to walk in the door after a stressful day not wanting any contact with another human life form. I certainly don't want to make dinner or take the clothes out of the dryer, or invent something sunny to say in response to, "Hey! How'd the day go?". I don't want to speak at all unless I can think of something dripping with sarcasm to say. And so I act as if I haven't been walking the earth for more than sixty years, and behave like a spoiled toddler.
There is no sensical explanation for any of this. My emotions just start to run amuk and all I can do is apologize profusely when I finally pull myself together and get a grip on sanity. Wayne's usually outside puttering, or inside watching a ballgame, and just leaves me to work through whatever crossed circuit has caused the temporary blackout of reason.
I don't imagine understanding why these episodes occur would stop them from occuring. But, maybe. I do know that they have been very rare these last two or three years. Eegads! Could it be that my menopausal days are at long last coming to an end? Now, that would be just cause for throwing confetti from the rooftop!
I'm shutting my eyes and remembering joyful times... let's see... what memories linger there that make me happy?
1. Hearing Wayne whistle around the house and yard 2. Sitting on the couch in my comfies watching my children enjoy one another 3. Uncle Zedekiah stories around the campfire. (Wayne tells fabulous, extremely inventive mountain man stories about his ficticious Uncle Zedekiah's adventures) 4. Wind in my hair 5. A little seclusion now and then for regeneration 6. Recognizing an answer to prayer
I'm on a roll... I want to keep going.
7. "Girl" time. Just girls doing girly stuff. 8. Hot orange tappioca pudding 9. My flower gardens in bloom 10. Giggling under the covers 11. Sun streaming through windows 12. Pumpkins in a cart 13. Music in the background 14. Wayne and Pogo playing and working together. Just a man and his dog, it's a real comraderie 15. Driving with the sunroof open. The top down would be better... but, I don't have a convertible anymore.
I'll quit writing now, but I'm going to keep on thinking more happy thoughts. This is a great "feel good" exercise! One more thing that made me happy. This was done in response to a "tag" from Brenda challenging me... bad choice of words... giving me the opportunity to share 6 things that make me happy.
Let's hear from Sandy, Sylvia, Chandi, Carrie and Jackie... if they're so inclined.
I wear a size 7 (narrow)... now and then a size seven 1/2. My daughter wears a size nine. My sister in law wears an eight. What this tells me is that you can't put the same shoe on every foot.
In the same vein... not everyone enjoys the same recreational activities. I, as an example, don't enjoy much of anything that requires wearing a helmet. My hubby and sons are extreme sports enthusiasts. My daughter is a bit of a daredevil as well.
Not everyone likes their steak the same way. I prefer mine the pinkest side of medium rare. My husband likes it close to crispy. My son is a vegetarian.
Not everyone learns at the same speed, picks the same color scheme for their bathroom, or loves the same animal as a pet.
We can't pigion hole people. We can't set the bar at a certain height and expect everyone to clear it. We can't set an idea in front of a large group of people and expect there to be no disagreement. And, that's good. My dad said two things: 1 - If two people agree completely about everything, one of them isn't necessary. 2 - To follow anyone (ie: your husband or a leader) blindly shows a lack of spirit only to be admired in sheep. Everything should be researched and considered from ALL sides and then you should follow your own conscience.
I say this because I understand that not everyone worldwide (or in my neighborhood for that matter) shares my religious views and I don't expect them too. I'm a card carrying member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. (Mormon) Not everyone will share my political views. I'm not really fond of the stimulous package as it is currently being presented to the Senate and the American people.
But, I love hearing other peoples opinions. It gives me reason to give serious reflection to attitudes that I've held close and it either strengthens them, or I release them and adopt a new perspective. However, I don't like being yelled at, sworn at, told I lack intelligence or that I'm somehow racial, homophobic or evil. (Think some talk show hosts, here... anyone heard of Michael Savage? Savage... now there's a name that says it all) What I ask is that people be open to one another and respectful of one another. As an example, I received a beautiful e-mail via comments from Michelle that explained her feelings on some issues clearly and politely. It was wonderful and welcome. If only everyone were so sure of themselves, articulate, and gracious. I didn't agree with her entire stance and wasn't made to feel that she would think less of me for that.
Now everyone is entitled to think what they think, and say whatever they please just as they can place pink and orange bath towels outside their shower and wear purple stillito's in the snow. But, now and then I've had someone try and cram their ideas into my head. They've tried to shame me or holler me into agreement. I don't handle that kind of treatment well... I'm basically a gentle person by nature and oft times recoil and withdraw when I feel under attack. It has not always been so. There was a time in my younger days when I used words as weapons and they have been lethal on occasion. I'm not proud of that time period in my life. I grew up and am happy to report that kindness took over as my M.O.
So... I won't paint anyone else's bathroom cabinets a pale green, serve up bleeding meat on their platter, or bring my dog for a visit into their living room. I won't try and squish into anyone's size six high heels or stuff cotton balls into anyone's size eight 1/2 loafers to try and keep them on my feet... I would hope that in exchange they won't slit the sides of my size seven shoes to make them more comfortable for their size nine foot, and then be angry with me because they hurt. No one's shoe size is going to change. In the same respect, I won't name call, screech or shake my fist at anyone's religious, moral or political values. A deeply held set of beliefs is not going to change through those methods.
We just can't put the same shoe on every foot. Nor can we place the same beliefs into every mind.
The answer is... NO. No one in my blogging world has said anything to hurt my feelings or upset me... I've enjoyed reading every word that I've read, even those that I simply didn't agree with.
I do live in a reality world that makes me shake my head from time to time, though. There have been a few wide eyed, jaw dropping moments either directed at me or at someone standing near to me, and I guess I wanted to vent.
I'm a little teapot, "short and stout". I have naturally curly hair that I wasn't born with, It just showed up one morning when I was in my fifties.... I swear. My best feature is that I'm nice. I try to be nice to everyone, all the time.
I share my life with a tall, blue eyed, broad shouldered, narrow waisted hunk of a guy who both protects and provides for me in every way. He's one of the good, better, best guys!
I have four gorgeous children. Yeah, well I know you think everyone says that... but they ARE! And the best part of it is that they're great people! I have a son and daughter in law that have added both sugar and spice to our banquet table. Life is delicious!