No Rhyme or Reason

What is it that makes us so susceptable to tears sometimes, anyway? Do you know what I'm talking about? Days when for no reason you can claim, the tears just puddle in your eyes waiting to spill down your cheeks. At times like those I find myself searching for things to help me release those tears. Sad movies, sad poems... It's ridiculous the way I'll dredge up past slights and try to recall how they made me hurt. I'll imagine all sorts of worse case scenarios of what may happen to my children, of what it will feel like to lose my husband... I get desperate to cry and unload whatever is making me feel so weepy. I've even experienced getting almost angry when a positive thought creeps in because I'm not quite finished with being miserable yet. I wonder if they have pills for that?

On some days, I've been known to walk in the door after a stressful day not wanting any contact with another human life form. I certainly don't want to make dinner or take the clothes out of the dryer, or invent something sunny to say in response to, "Hey! How'd the day go?". I don't want to speak at all unless I can think of something dripping with sarcasm to say. And so I act as if I haven't been walking the earth for more than sixty years, and behave like a spoiled toddler.

There is no sensical explanation for any of this. My emotions just start to run amuk and all I can do is apologize profusely when I finally pull myself together and get a grip on sanity. Wayne's usually outside puttering, or inside watching a ballgame, and just leaves me to work through whatever crossed circuit has caused the temporary blackout of reason.

I don't imagine understanding why these episodes occur would stop them from occuring. But, maybe. I do know that they have been very rare these last two or three years. Eegads! Could it be that my menopausal days are at long last coming to an end? Now, that would be just cause for throwing confetti from the rooftop!