Sunday, January 18, 2009

Clear Windows...

I went to church this morning and was so touched by a song that a lovely young lady sang. It expressed exactly how I feel about mothering and teaching... well, pretty much about the way I feel we should live our lives.

I want to leave my children with a legacy of strength and faith. I want to leave them with a sure knowledge that they are loved without moderation or condition. I want them to know that they are never alone, that there will always be someone for them to turn to for comfort and guidance.'s a fact of life that some day I will not be here to talk to, to give them hugs and hold them close. Someday they will need to know how to hear words of encouragement whispered by a voice that is not mine. I need to stand aside so that they can know the Savior is the one that can and will always be there for them.

a few of the lyrics to the song:

I want to be a windodow to His love,
so when you look at me you will see Him.
I want to be so pure and clear
that you won't even know I'm here...

I want to be a doorway to the truth,
so when you walk beyond you will find Him.
I want to stand so stright and tall
that you won't notice me at all.

A window to His love,
A doorway to the truth.
A bearer of the message
He'd have me bring to you.

And with each passing day,
I want to fade away.
I want to be a window to His love.

With every passing year,
I want to disappear.
I want to be a window to His love.

It's not that I don't want to be remembered... of course I do. I never want my memory to be lost to those I cherish, who are so percious to me. But, I want them to know that when I'm not available by phone...when they can't sit on the couch and let me tickle their arm, when we can't share a bag of Mrs Cavanaugh's caramels... that the Savior will be right by their side. That He loves them as I do, that He believes in them even more than I do, that he sees the best in them and will forgive them and always, always extend His hand to them. I want them to understand that often when I held them... He was using my arms to comfort them. When I said something that touched or encouraged them, He was speaking through me so that His words would be easier to hear. I want them to feel more than what I have to offer them.

And I want to teach the same way. It always disturbs me a little when I teach a Sunday School class and members come up and tell me what a wonderful lesson I gave. I'm very uncomfortable with gush and praise. I don't want to convert them to me, to have them love me. I want to get out of the way so that they are converted to the Lord... so that they love the Savior. I want to be a
"window so pure and clear,
that they won't even know I'm here"
that they will feel the Savior near.


Lin said...

you do live that way my dear friend and your lessons help others to feel closer to the Savior and our Heavenly Father-his father and ours. The Savior is the big brother who shows us by his life, example and love what our Heavenly Father is like. Lovely post.

Carrie and Shane said...

That is so beautiful. I've heard that song many times, and even sang it, but now it takes on a whole new meaning.

Teresa Lynne said...

I get very inspired, too when I go to church.

Great post :)

Rambling Woods said...

That is really beautiful Caryn and like your Mother taught you, so did your children learn..They will never be truly alone. It is such a joy to see our children become the good people we always hoped that they would care for want to give something back...That is what is important to me..

SandyCarlson said...

This struck a chord with me. My daughter and I went to see my folks today down in Newtown. I thought how blessed I am to be so close geographically and emotionally to my parents and for my daughter to experience that and to know the love they have for her. It is a love that transcends us in every way.

They will not be here forever, but while they are here they are full of love. That is a beautiful gift.

I am sure it is one you give your Sunday School students. I remember teaching Sunday School and feeling very connected with the high school kids in the class. We shared an acceptance of each other that was defined by God's grace. It was rare and beautiful.

I would love to have you for a teacher, and I dare say I would gush a little with gratitude!

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Jade said...

Aunt Caryn you are unbelievable. Really! I can't believe how moving every post you write is. I really think you should be publishing your work. I want everyone to partake of such goodness.

I too love this song and your thoughts. It is amazing how much more I appreciate simple things at an entirely new level now that I am am mom. I know it will only deepen with more kids and someday grandkids.

Ok it is killing me to know the story of why you wrap presents so beautifully. It is a tradition that I am sure you passed down to my mom and now I try (the key word is try) to do. And all this time there is a reason for it... Oh please tell!

Also, I was dying laughing over your comment on my blog. I am going to post it on my blog if you don't mind.

Love you!

Brenda Leyland said...

Caryn, What a lovely post! And I loved the painting that gives us glimpses of the beauty of His face!

I long for the day when I will see Him face to face!

I've said it before, I say it again, I love the beauty of your spirit! And how it exudes from your words.

The Stott's said...

Wow! How do you do that? I think you have touched more people then you realize. You are such a amazing example to us and I just wanted to say thank you for following our blog and keeping in touch. I know it's just a blog, but it really means a lot to us.

Brenda Leyland said...

Hi Caryn, Just want to let you know there's an Award waiting for you at my site today, so you can come by and pick it up!

Rambling Woods said...

I wanted you to see my reply to your comment...Luv..Michelle..

Caryn..I’m not upset with you, but I do reserve the right to say what I want to on my own blog. I have kept neutral here all this time and it was time to let my colors show. Just from an environmental standpoint, the Bush policies were a disaster for our own health and that of the planet. The Clean Air and Clean Water Act were attacked again and again. The Environmental Protection Agency was directed to ignore science in the interests of what the President thought the truth was.

All of the good will that was extended to us after the 9/11 attacks was squandered by an administration that was determined to go into Iraq before Bush took office by the war mongering Rumsfeld and Cheney who were convinced that the soldiers would be welcomed as heroes. Anyone who knows anything about the middle east knows that the only thing holding the waring ethnic peoples together was a dictator. Once that was gone it was a free for all. My daughter’s boyfriend did a year in Iraq and came back in one piece. That is except for the terrible guilt that he did survive and the nightmares that take him back over and over again. The VA has been nothing but a generator of red tape and he ended up sleeping in his car.Multiple that by the thousands and you have the returning combat veterans with mental and physical injuries. That is criminal

Then using the Patriot Act to spy on citizens without going to court even though we have the necessary process in place. Our basic and fundamental right to privacy was attacked. Anyone at any time could be listened to without judicial review. Is that what our country stands for?

Setting up a detention center outside of US jurisdiction and using torture goes against every fiber of what being an American is about. We don’t torture. We need to be a model, not sink to that level. I done..No..I think that this is the worse President ever and that his policies damaged our world standing as a leader for the rule of law and the private freedoms of the individual. It is criminal and Bush will be remembered in history for these acts. I hope it’s not too late to show the world what America really stands for….

Rambling Woods said...

I wanted to add this on a personal note about my Bush post...

But I think the real anger comes from a personal side. My daughter’s boyfriend did a tour in Iraq and will never be the same person that he was when he left. He was the photographer for his Marine Unit and took the photos. Photos that he won’t tell me about. I know from my daughter that he was a team leader of some sort and feels very guilty for the men who died under his command. 3 of 4 of this tent mates were killed…all in front of him. One poor Marine was getting ready to return to the US to take custody of his little girl. He was saying good-by when a sniper blew part of his head off in front of J. How can you ever be the same? When they come home the VA is a miserable red-taped disaster when you try to get any kind of help. Combine that with the survival guilt and the fact that you spent months wondering if you would just be blown up by some IED…it takes an emotional toll. Every soldier who has been in an IED explosion has some kind of concussive brain injury even if they go right back to work. My daughter is a psychologist and has studied the effect of these small brain injuries and they have a lasting impact. Mulitple this by thousands who are not even being counted as injured because the military does not count those soldiers with PTSD as having sustained a combat related injury. When I talk to J..I have to walk away and cry and then I get angry and then I cry again…Funny as I understand that this is what he does also….

Anonymous said...

I've never heard that song before, but it sounds nice. I love that picture of the Savior.

Sandy's Notes said...

I am weeping, and wishing I knew you in person. This really touched me, maybe because of the mom thing going on.

It's people like you that make life a little nicer.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for your ideas, Caryn. I never thought of tatting, and I'm getting a little excited about it. It's too bad Chandi and I don't live close by so we can learn it together.

SandyCarlson said...

Thanks so much for your kind comment on my hasty photos of the dining horses. The peace they offer every time I drive by drew me to them. The white horse was so very alert to me. I think that's why he turned around for the camera!

Lin said...

you are tagged, see my blog

dellgirl said...

I love this post, Caryn. It is so powerful and moving. You have given me something wonderful to think about and to pass on to my kids ( grown though they are). Thank you so much for sharing this.