Okay... Can I be sad, just for a minute?
It's a long story.
I feel like my entire being is flooded with tears. They just keep spilling out and I can't seem to stop the flow. I'm not altogether sure why. Oh, that's ridiculous. Of course I know why.
I'm feeling neglected by some of the people I most trusted with my heart. Namely, my sisters.
I have four living sisters on my side of the family. Two who my mother and father gave birth too. (Wanda and Marlene) And my aunt, who is younger than my oldest sister and who I've always considered my favorite. (Shirley) And Shirley's oldest daughter. (Diane)
I've lived in our home at the Hollow for 2 and a half years. Before moving here, we lived in a town called New Harmony for four years. In this six and a half year period of time, each of my sisters has been to visit me once. Never overnight, and never in this home. Now understand that three of the four lived a great enough distance that they needed to spend a night near New Harmony when we were there. And the fourth lived less than 20 minutes away. We lived less than five minutes from the freeway off ramp in New Harmony and each of them took the short side trip to say, "Hi" and visit with us for a while only once. I invited them...many times. When family would stay with my sister in Cedar City for a few days, Wayne and I were never asked to come for Sunday dinner with everyone, or to meet them at Applebee's for lunch and a chat. I invited myself regularly, however, and was well received when I went.
Here, in Fairview, each of them has driven past our home several times. Now, granted...they would have to take a detour to get here. It may take them an hour to an hour and fifteen minutes out of their way. But, not one member of my side of the family has ever alloted the time to see us. There again, we've invited them...many times. We've asked them to spend the night in our guest room, to come for one of my famous breakfasts, for a dutch oven cookout on the patio, for a drive up the canyon (in the car...on the fourwheelers), just for a short stay to catch up on one another's families. But, no one has come.
A couple of them have made arrangements to stay less than two hours away from here in a hotel. I've mentioned that I'd drive up to spend some time with them. I was not, ever invited to drive up and meet them, though. Wanye and I were not asked if we'd also like to get a room. We would have.
These women constantly tell me that they love me. But, today, I'm not seeing it. Today, I'm not feeling it. Today, I would like one of them to take a little time and come to see me. Today, it hurts. So today, I'm sad. Silly, huh?
Okay. Minute's up.
Think I'll go outside and play with the dog, gather produce from the garden, and make a big pot of hearty vegetable soup.
Spring Clean Up in the Garden
15 years ago
11 comments:
Hey, adopt me-I'm an only child with no sisters and I keep trying to come visit you. Also I have invited you to come and visit us and stay overnight in our guest casita-it's only a four hour drive away...Well, dear adopted sister/friend don't waste your time on what isn't, use your time to find other great people like me to adopt and invite over or to go visit. ;-)
Caryn..I can't imagine what anyone wouldn't want to come and visit you. You seems like a wonderfully warm and loving person. I don't get it. But family is strange. My father has not been to my house in...hmmmm.. Years. I have the only grandchild and hasn't seen her since she was a teen. He does see my brother and sister on a regular basis, but not me. The only thing I can figure is that as the oldest, I am the outspoken one who won't tell him what he wants to hear, but how I really feel. So...I can't help you except to say that it is their loss..big time..
I am sorry about your feeling sad about your sisters today. You are a COMPLETELY different person than they are. You can't change them. You can let them know how you feel, and after that you can only choose how you will act/react. Don't allow them to cause you unhappiness. Think instead of the wonderful sister you have in Aunt Trina who has come to stay with you, or even visit for the day many many times. You and she have much more in common anyway.
Caryn, please feel free to vent or cry on our cyber-shoulders anytime. I have a difficult time imagining sisters who wouldn't want to visit with you, but Chandi knows the family dynamic better than most of your blogging buddies.
Families are funny, and sometimes when you think it's about you, it isn't. Sometimes it's about them. My hubby's sister thought it would be fun to arrange a family cruise to Alaska for their parents' 60th anniversary. She had to talk to get her mother to agree (she's a real homebody, but the fact that it was Alaska helped). It was okay until one sister had a fit--it was the last place she wanted to go.
So, although we think we know the sister's reasons (and they are not good ones), 3 of the 5 children and spouses are planning to go anyway.
You can only do what you can do.
You can't pick your relatives, but you can pick your friends. I can understand the hurt. You know what you do have? A husband to love and cherish, and vice versa. I used to have a sign in my classroom that said: Don't let the turkeys get you down!
I too am having a similar problem with my one & only sister who is 10 years younger than me & occasionally will e-mail me something silly & will tell me how much she misses me & loves me, but I just don't feel it nor do I ever see it. Each of my siblings, my two brothers & my sister all planned their weddings during times I was completely UNAVAILABLE to attend. They had a choice, but none chose to include me. I always feel like the outcast, the black sheep. It is a horrible feeling. I know what you are talking about. But I have no idea how to change it & I have tried to reach out & plead for more love, but nothing ever works.
i like......
wow! I will detract from your tears by saying I totally understand cuz I have only 1 sister who cares nothing for me in action...but I won't. I think you have every right to cry and as you know, lately a good cry is what i do regularly.
And you know, it isn't who comes and who invites you. The nonsisters do not count...despite their well meaningness. What is important is who is important to you. I repeat...the nonsisters truly do not count.
They will become people you can count on but it still doesn't fill the hole left by vacant family. So for my money, go ahead and flood the valley...do you live in a valley? Perhaps you could end the drought that way.
Oh, Caryn, I do feel for you. Go ahead and cry though. I also know the state of feeling sadness sometimes, had a case for a minute yesterday. It kept popping into my mind, I kept pushing it away. Finally, I did as you (going to play with the dog, etc.)and found something else meaningful to occupy my mind until it was perfectly clear of the sad feeling.
I have no sisters, only 3 brothers so I cannot relate specifically to that. Also, some of my family relationships were so completely void of closeness, the concept is foreign to me.
Therefore, I've made it my life's goal to make my children, spouse, and the friends I have made central in my life and to let them know I love them - often.
I have family like this. Relatives whom I don't see until the next funeral, and that's if they don't have something planned that seems more important to them. I wonder about the priorities. And I wonder why family stopped being one. It can be a cold experience, as you describe.
But then, when they get me down, I log and and, lo, blogger friends are present and/or findable. I am grateful for that miracle.
I just don't understand it...your house was always the most fun, the most open, the most cheerful place I could go growing up!
Chandi loves to visit you - the relationship you have with her is the MAIN reason I want to have a girl. So I can have that someday too.
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