He's still awake

Poor Wayne, he struggles with getting to sleep. Me, too. But, I'll get on the computer and read some e-mails or write a letter to someone... or look on the multiple listing service for properties a client might be interested in....or experiment with "Uncle Petie's" blog to fritter away some time. He just ... waits ... and waits ...

It occured to me that even though I have some reservations about certain aspects of my life, there are some things that I absolutely know for sure. One of those things is that of all the things you can throw away money on... there are a few things that will always pay high dividends. Self esteem for your children and memories are two that come to mind. Self esteem is not readily won. Children need consant reinforcement of their intrinsic worth. The object lesson with the $50.00 bill is a fair example of a good way to express that. So, I don't want to suggest that self esteem can be bought. But, it helps to free up some cash for guitar lessons and basketball camps and the E.F.Y week-end experience. The abilities and insights they will glean from such activities add immeasurably to a child's belief that they have something to offer, that they have a talent, and to help them "fit in". Fitting in gets a bad rap now and then. But, it's important to all of us. We never outgrow the desire to be a part of a group and to contribute to a community of friends. I have come to know this the hard way.

Memories are the only thing that matter when you enter the twilight years. On snowy days at home, they add more warmth than a blazing fire to a parent who's children have moved into their own lives. Save and set aside for birthday bashes and vacations and science experiments at home. Make goofy costumes to wear in a parade around the neighborhood and buy lots of helium filled balloons to set free on a warm May morning. You don't have to spend a lot... but, you will not regret one penny used to purchase kites, or individual cereal boxes to hang on the trees for a breakfast treasure hunt. Run through the sprinklers together on a hot night... in your pajamas. Pour green food coloring into orange juice on St. Patti's Day. Have banana splits for breakfast on April Fool's Day. Have a water fight in public fountains, and eat ice cream cones at every possible opportunity.

At about the age of 55 or 60... you'll look around your home and wonder why you want to continue to dust all of those precious "things" you wanted so badly when you were 30. You'll love picture albums and a few favorite books... There will always be sweet memories attached to a few "things". But, the more age settles on your shoulders and begins to bend the body... the more your spirit will reach for the memories of laughter and tears and celebrations and struggles overcome together. You will close your eyes and see the faces of your babies sleeping on your husbands chest... you'll remember the first day you sent your oldest child to school and the first scout uniform you bought. You'll remember the times you read snuggled under the blanket on the heater, and the nights that you talked with your sons and daughters when they came home from a dance... You will not envision the mahogany dining table or the new lamps on the bedroom nightstands. You won't conjure up the sight of dishes and decorations or a great new pair of shoes. It will be the people who you have loved and who have loved you that will sustain and comfort you.
That is one of the things that I know with out doubt. Another is this:

It does not matter how often you let yourself down, how often you commit the "sins" that weigh heavy on your soul, how often you don't pray, how often you doubt a gospel principle.... it doesn't even matter if you begin to doubt the Savior and falter in your belief in Him. He will NEVER, NEVER, NEVER stop believing in you. He will always take your hand when you put it forth. His love is even stronger than a mother's love... And I don't need to tell you what it would take for your love for your child to be strangled beyond breath, or for your faith in him to be destroyed.
It is an integral part of your very being. And your childs worth to you... and your worth to the Lord never changes. Like the fifty dollar bill. You can step on it, toss it in the mud, mangle it, tear a portion of it away... it is still a fifty dollar bill... it is still worth fifty dollars. It doesn't matter if we've been stepped on or muddied up, if our spirits have been mangled and a part of our soul torn away. We are still sons and daughters of God and have the same eternal worth in His eyes.
And... you will always feel that same unending, unbreakable love for the children you raise. Be sure that they are always confident in that knowledge.

I think Wayne's sleeping soundly. I'm going to try and do the same. Right this very minute, I miss my children... I want to close my eyes and savor some tender memories of them sitting by the campfire listening intently to their father weave his tall tales of "Uncle Zedekiah".